Fertility counselling support for couples across Ontario
Infertility doesn’t just affect the body, it affects relationships, identity, and emotional well-being. One of the most common patterns seen in fertility counselling is this:
Men and women often cope very differently during infertility.
This doesn’t mean one partner cares more than the other. In most cases, both partners are deeply invested in the outcome, but their nervous systems respond to stress in different ways.
Understanding these differences can reduce conflict, improve communication, and help couples feel more connected throughout the fertility journey.
Why Men and Women Experience Infertility Differently
Infertility places ongoing emotional pressure on both partners. However, the experience is often more physically and hormonally embodied for women, while men may experience it more through responsibility, problem-solving, or financial pressure.
Common stressors during infertility include:
Even when couples are facing the same situation, their coping styles may look very different.
What Many Women Need During Infertility: Emotional Validation
For many women, infertility is a deeply personal and physical experience. Hormonal changes, cycle tracking, appointments, and procedures can make the process feel constant and overwhelming.
Women may experience:
Because of this, emotional processing becomes essential.
Common emotional needs:
Comments that often feel unhelpful:
For many women, emotional connection reduces stress more effectively than problem-solving.
What Many Men Need During Infertility: Purpose and Direction
Many men cope with stress through action. When something feels wrong, their instinct is to fix it, solve it, or protect their partner from distress.
This isn’t simply emotional distance. Rather, it often serves as a coping mechanism for individuals to manage their anxiety.
Common emotional needs:
For many men, having a purpose or direction reduces anxiety more than emotional discussion alone.
The Core Difference in Coping Styles
In many heterosexual couples:
Neither approach is better or more correct. They are simply different coping strategies. Without this understanding, couples may misinterpret each other’s behavior:
| One Partner Thinks | The Other Partner Is Actually Doing |
|---|---|
| “You don’t care.” | Trying to stay strong or find solutions |
| “You’re too emotional.” | Processing grief and fear |
| “You’re avoiding this.” | Managing anxiety through action |
| “You’re trying to fix me.” | Attempting to help in the only way they know |
When couples understand these differences, tension often shifts into empathy.
How Couples Can Support Each Other During Infertility
Clear requests reduce guesswork and frustration.
You don’t have to fix the situation to be supportive.
A Simple Weekly Check-In for Couples
Ask each other: “Do you need comfort or a plan right now?”
This one question can prevent many misunderstandings and help each partner feel supported in the way they need most.
When Fertility Counselling Can Help
Infertility can quietly strain even strong relationships. Many couples benefit from working with a fertility therapist who understands:
Support during this time can help couples stay connected rather than drifting apart under stress.
Fertility Counselling in Ontario
If you’re navigating infertility, pregnancy loss, IVF, or the emotional strain of trying to conceive, you don’t have to carry it alone.
I’m Lana Doan, MSW, RSW, a fertility and reproductive mental health therapist offering virtual counselling across Ontario and in person counselling in Windsor-Essex County. I work with individuals and couples who are:
My approach is warm, practical, and grounded in neuroscience and trauma-informed care. If you’re looking for fertility counselling in Ontario, you’re welcome to reach out for support.
Final Thoughts
If you and your partner seem to be coping differently, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re disconnected. It often means you’re using different strategies to survive the same stress.
Understanding those differences can turn conflict into compassion and help you move through the fertility journey as a team.
Find the Support You Deserve
If you are looking for more information on this topic, I can provide grounded, empathetic insights specifically tailored to your needs.
For more information, please contact Lana Doan today.
References
Boivin, J., Griffiths, E., & Venetis, C. A. (2011). Emotional distress in infertile women and men: A meta-analysis. Human Reproduction, 26(9), 2443–2454.
Greil, A. L. (1997). Infertility and psychological distress: A critical review. Social Science & Medicine, 45(11), 1679–1704.
Jordan, C., & Revenson, T. A. (1999). Gender differences in coping with infertility: A meta-analysis. Journal of Behavioral Medicine, 22(4), 341–358.
Peterson, B. D., Newton, C. R., & Rosen, K. H. (2003). Infertility-related stress and marital adjustment. Family Process, 42(1), 59–70.
Schmidt, L., Holstein, B. E., Christensen, U., & Boivin, J. (2005). Infertility and marital benefit. Patient Education and Counseling, 59(3), 244–251.
Wischmann, T., & Thorn, P. (2013). What infertility means to men. Reproductive BioMedicine Online, 27(3), 236–243.
